living for today

I read this article today about how women are generally unhappy because they live in the future, in the goals they'd like to accomplish and what they are striving to achieve. This was such an a-ha moment for me. I do that ALL THE TIME. It's about being present and accepting the situation for what it is now, and have fun and live in the moment. I would love to do this, I'm just not sure how. I don't think I have to eliminate goals and what I'd like in the future, I just need to remember that the journey is the best part-- and wow, that's really hard.

This is something I must make a concerted effort to do. I think I would be much happier accepting my life as it is now and realizing that I have the potential to have a good day everyday. I have an absolute blind faith that fate puts me in exactly the place I need to be, through the choices I make--the good and the bad ones. I just need to remember that more often and in it, take comfort.

Glass half full?

Okay, this whole being grateful for something new everyday is harder than I thought. I am struggling to think of anything today. Yeah, friends, family, blah, blah--I'm lucky. Should I be grateful that I only waited for 25 minutes for an E train that was never actually running instead of 30 minutes? Who knows maybe if I waited a minute longer for my train to nowhere, a homicidal maniac could have come tearing through the West 4th station and thrown me on to the track, leaving me for dead; although, probably not.

What I am terribly grateful for after walking to the train and then waiting for nearly a half an hour in the freezing cold (when did it become cold?) is the glorious heat in my apartment. So thank you oil company, for providing my over priced apartment building with the lovely, dirty oil that gives me heat.

So there you have it: today I am grateful for heating oil. How glass half full of me.

30ish.

In a mere five days I turn thirty one. I'm not sure why thirty one is scaring the crap out of me, but it is. By this age I thought I would be wildly successful, driving home each night to my cute suburban house in my Range Rover, being greeted by my equally successful and handsome husband. The reality of almost thirty one is a studio apartment, hundreds of sometimes weird, mostly uneventful dates and a job that leaves me feeling insecure and scratching my head most days.

My rational mind knows that thirty one is young and that I have a lifetime ahead of me, but being thirty one and single most days is just really lonely. My rational mind also knows that I'm incredibly lucky to have a nice apartment, a job and some truly fabulous friends. Maybe being grateful a little more often would open me up to different experiences and help me to appreciate life's journey. Most days that seems like a lot of work. It is sooo much easier to complain, and if I'm really honest with myself, by default I am incredibly lazy. I've decided that for the next year, I am going to make the effort each day to be thankful for something new each day and see where fate leads me.

Today, I am super grateful for the fancy new macbook pro I am typing on-- without it, I don't think I would have started this blog.

Looking forward to the next 365 days.
jw.